Umami Burger / Santa Monica, CA

I was in somewhat of a touchy mood when we finally arrived at the Santa Monica branch of this rapidly growing little chain (there are five outposts in LA now, with more on the way). Principally, because nothing on the website tells you it’s in a fucking Fred Segal store, and partly, because Google Maps sucks. So we walked circled a couple of blocks for fifteen minutes trying to find it.

So, note to any non Santa Monica residents looking for this place, if you see spot Fred fucking Segal, you’ve found it.

I ordered the SoCal burger and my dining companion ordered the Manly Burger (because he so is). When they arrived they looked brilliant, like straight-out-of-the-dressing-room pretty. Mood swiftly reversed.

The bun gets top billing here, as it’s amongst the best I’ve ever tasted, probably THE best.

It’s got the shine of a brioche (with their signature ‘U’ toasted into the top half), but isn’t really a brioche. It’s chewy, but super-squidgy. Substantial, but not stodgy. A superb example of how well a burger bun can be made.

And there’s definitely a can’t-quite-put-my-finger-on-it extra dimensional taste to the patty that makes it unique, an almost kinda hint of gravy. That signature umami. Hard to describe without over-hyphenating.

You can see from the pictures the meat is soft and ever so loosely formed; the result being it crumbles away in your mouth after each bite, mingling with everything else in the burger: the full hit in every bite. The consistency of the cheese is spot on and the house sauce, a homage to In ‘n Out’s ‘Spread’ if I’m not mistaken, adds a fresh tang without overwhelming it.

The only terribly small issue: the loose grind of the meat and the slightly anaemic bottom bun caused the burger to fall apart about three quarters of the way through, so the final few bites were frantic, morsel-rescuing mouthfuls.

The Manly Burger, their take on a bacon cheeseburger - with it’s thick lardons and crispy onion strings - looked, and apparently tasted, bloody epic.

“No unsettling flavour combinations or trickery. It’s just a good burger. Craft over science.”

There’s certainly a touch of Heston Blumenthalerie in the way these guys go about experimenting with different flavours and ingredients, not to mention their namesake fifth taste. The dude that owns the chain certainly talks almost evangelically about the painstaking construction of each burger. And it shows. Everything in it is crafted from scratch, and we applaud the wicked craftsmanship on display. Unlike Heston though, there’s nothing weird here. No unsettling flavour combinations or trickery.

It’s just a good burger. Craft over science.

Umami is an important place. Arguably, they’re at the epicentre of the quality mid-priced resurgence which is having a major impact on this side of the pond too. And for that reason, as well as a damn fine and totally unique burger, Umami is smack bang at the top of our Essential LA Burgers list, cosying up to In-n-Out. Go.

umamiburger.com

• Rob.

A&W / Vancouver, Canada

“But most predominant were the condiments, this burger was slathered in them…”

You could call this a guilty pleasure, as it is a fast food burger, but who wouldn’t want to try the food effort of the makers of my all-time favourite (non-alcoholic) drink: A&W Root Beer.

And the Root Beer company makes burgers no less; that shit is crazy, right?

This is another shining example of how the American (or Canadian) fast food burger can kick the crap out of its British equivalent (and that includes a lot of pricier gastropub offerings).

The patty, while not brilliant, was decent enough and all the other prerequisites of a decent burger were there, including big chunks of onion, a heap of iceberg and plenty of pickles. But most predominant were the condiments, this burger was slathered in them - the bottom with mustard and ketchup, and the top with loads of mayo.

They helped create the desired moisture and flavour, not that dissimilar to a BK Whopper, but without the gross aftertaste I commonly experience from them.

NB. I was hungover and in the early stages of jetlag, so the Teen Burger served as great saucy sustenance.

And their packaging is weird, but awesome. 

www.awrestaurants.com

• Rob.

Little Big Burger / Portland, OR

“It is ridiculous how succinctly the name of the place describes the burgers they sell.”

Everything in this place is simple and unfussy - the interior is plain red and white, in a mid-century diner fast-food joint stylee.

The menu is as bare as it could be. Even the font they use feels simple. They’ve arguably nicked some tricks from the Five Guys and In ‘n Out playbook (even to the point where bacon is available, but not on the menu), but then Portlanded it up to match the ridonkulously hip district it’s situated in.

The burgers are strictly no-nonsense. And they are incredible.

The first thing you notice is how fresh everything is: the lettuce is alarmingly crisp, the onions are uber-crunchy, the tomato is taut and full of flavour, the swiss was melty, but not greasy at all. The patty was cooked medium to perfection; the meat was soft and seasoned well. Even the brioche bun tasted like it had just been baked, and is exemplary.

What made it all the more surprising was they used English style rashers for the bacon, something we usually frown upon at B/A, but in this instance seemed to work well. As did their take on ketchup, which rounded out the burger’s flavour brilliantly.

It is ridiculous how succinctly the name of the place describes the burgers they sell. When they arrived, we both commented on how small our burgers were, but their size belies how much is actually there - by the time we’d eaten them, we were both more than adequately full.

I’m practically gushing about this place, but honestly, it was the burger of my trip. You know a burger joint is good when a queue forms at 11.30 in the morning.

…and I haven’t even mentioned the truffle fries, which were terrific too.

littlebigburger.com

• Rob.

Gott's Roadside / San Francisco

But the sauce…

This place is nestled within the Ferry Building Marketplace, which fells like a cross between Borough Market and the arty-farty food court at Stratford Westfield. Only more awesome. Than both. See #AmericansDoItBetter. It has a canteen/trendy bar/workshop vibe about it, which works since it does indeed manage to be both trendy and comfortable at the same time.

I like that they are attempting to blur the line between the restaurant burger and the fast food burger here - It was pretty quick to arrive and looked great, the yellow colouring of the bun innards popping on first glance.

It was a solid effort. A well cooked patty and wicked gooey American cheese with all the necessary extras. But the sauce… well, the sauce just added a *meh* factor.

Yeah, most ‘special sauces’ have their basis in a version of Thousand Island. But, don’t just use Thousand Island, which it tasted like Gott’s did. Maybe I’m being harsh and they do create their own sauce, but it’s so uncannily Thou’land that it just detracted from the positives of the rest of the burger.

I’d go back to try their other offerings, and their bacon cheeseburger, because it’s such a neat place, in a really neat place.

gotts.com

• Rob.

Cafe 222 / San Diego, CA

It’s a hard knock yolk

In the past, I’ve always been ‘You CANNOT get a bad Eggs Benedict in the states esse’ (Yup, just like that). Well, you can scratch that now, I found a place.

Having found some good reviews of Café 222, we wandered for way longer than our hangovers desired to check it out. We were both in a Benedict mood so I had the pork patty version, whilst my compadre had the standard.

It was a less than overwhelming sight when it arrived. The hollandaise looked like it had separated a bit on both our plates, leaving speckles of melted butter floating around. It tasted like it looked, heavy and buttery. And when I cut into the eggs, the yolks were hard. I was like, this must be a mistake, but my friend cut into his and.. the same. Who cooks the yolks to solid in a fucking Benny?! The griddled potatoes were ok, but not enough of a saving grace for that travesty.

This place had won some gold medallion food award SIX years in a row? Fuck that shit.

Luckily, we also ordered a much-lauded-on-the-interwebs waffle. Our choice was the stuffed granola, and it was great. The chunks of granola intermingled with the waffle batter was a novel touch, and tasty as with heaps of maple syrup poured over. Now *there* was the saving grace we’d been looking for. If I’d’ve just had the Benny, I’d’ve been pissed.

cafe222.com

• Rob.

Slammin' Sliders Truck / Los Angeles, CA

“I guess I expected more from something with ‘Kobe’ in the title…”

Sadly, the story of where I had to go to find this truck is *far* more interesting than the food that came from it: I found myself on USC’s Fraternity Row during some mental party night. Not only did I feel like a weird, peckish paedophile - trying not to look at any of the scantily clad sorority girls walking from frat house to frat house. But simultaneously, I felt like I was in some irreverent college film, so familiar did the surroundings feel to my moviephile self. Odd.

The beef sliders were distinctly unimpressive.

Uncondimented.

After adding some ketchup to them they tasted almost identical to McDonald’s cheeseburgers, just with slightly better meat - not necessarily a bad thing, I like the way they taste, but I guess I expected more from something with ‘Kobe’ in the title.

The pork sliders looked great, but the pork was really dry, with no BBQ sauce to accompany it. The slaw, whilst a colourful spectacle, tasted like crunchy-but-watery mayo and failed to moisten the pork.

In their defence, I did catch the place just as it was about to close, so maybe I didn’t get the freshest peak-time fare, but it turned me off going back there, and left me thinking that a good slider is always hard to find, even in the States.

slamminsliders.com

• Rob.

Henry's Tavern / Portland, OR

Points go to this Bar-cum-Craft Beer Mecca-cum-Restaurant for having a Happy Hour that runs from 9 till close pretty much every night, and for putting a burger on their Happy Hour menu. We were slightly hesitant as the place looked a touch on the expensive side, but we were flipping starving and so pleased to see the Happy Hour Cheeseburger come in at a very budget-conscious six bucks.

The burger wasn’t too shabby - it was a good size, if a little dry due to condiment shyness. The plentiful cheddar complimented the onion bun really well creating a pretty good flavour combo. I mean, cheese and onion, who’d’ve thunk it?

I wolfed it down. I then spent some quality time with some of the local Oregon beer offerings, of which there are maaaaaany. I recommend the Widmer Drifter.

Henry’s Tavern

• Rob.

Roam Artisan Burgers / San Francisco, CA

“You’ve got to do something pretty remarkable for the hyper-connected SF populous to notice you…”

Straight off the plane after a delayed flight, we dump the bags at the hotel, hail a cab and head straight for Roam Artisan Burgers which sits more or less in the middle of Union Street. The next time you’re in San Francisco, I recommend you do exactly the same thing because Roam has my top burger of 2011. It’s called the French and Fries, and here it is:

A luxurious combo of creamy California avocado, dijon mustard, melted gruyere and watercress with a few truffle-oiled parmesan fries poking out just for the sheer hell of it. This thing was a fucking revelation. Roam aren’t scared to shift from burger tradition and introduce a few unorthodox ingredient combinations, and frankly they nail it every time. You’ve got to do something pretty remarkable for the hyper-connected SF populous to notice you (and form the consequent, ever-present queue out the door) and Roam have done that with laid-back aplomb.

Each burger is put together with genuine care, and all the individual ingredients are the best they can be. The bun is firm but squidgy, the patties are flawlessly cooked and the meat flavour is never masked by the addition of various homemade sauces.

To gush further, all of Roam’s speciality burgers cost eight bucks each.

Eight dollars.

It’s so unfair.

I’ve not had anything as confidently brilliant as the F&F anywhere else this year.

For the sake of comparison, we tried the Heritage burger. It’s a slightly more traditional bacon cheeseburger, albeit with fontina cheese instead of Swiss or American. It was also effortlessly competent.

A quick mention must also go to the ‘Fry-fecta’, a selection of all three types of fries: russet potato, sweet potato and courgette with onion. Supermodel looks, salty more-ishness and not a hint of grease anywhere to be found. Sharing them almost broke out into a fight. Heaven as starch.

I cannot stress enough how much of an SF must Roam is.

EIGHT FUCKING DOLLARS!

• Simon.

Roamburgers.com

Clinton Street Baking Co. / New York, NY

When it comes to a benedict, serving it on a buttermilk biscuit is just an enormous no-no.

Hype.

Hype hypey hype.

In a city that breakfasts and brunches with the very best of them, Clinton Street Baking Company is right up there on the must-visit lists. The weekend queues can be legendary. We, however, showed up mid-morning on a Monday. We didn’t have to queue, to the point where merely asking for a table and getting one immediately seemed to piss off the Maitre d’.

So we were in, nestled at the back near the kitchen window, and we were hungry. For me, the eggs benedict is always the quality benchmark, especially in such a celebrated environment. It’s worth noting at this point that Clinton Street are all about the biscuits and gravy throughout the menu. When it comes to a benedict, serving it on a buttermilk biscuit is just an enormous no-no.

Biscuits are effectively scones. Imagine a scone with a slightly overcooked poached egg, some fairly flavourless hollandaise and some inexplicable shavings of red pepper and, er, spring onion. Sorry, scallions.

And then, when you cut into it, the biscuit (scone) immediately disintegrates. Because that’s what they do. It ruins the dish, makes a huge mess and you’re left picking out the inexplicable bits of spring onion from your teeth.

Compared to a muffin or toast-based benedict, this was a huge disappointment. I don’t mind a good biscuit when used in the right context, but here it was being different just for the thematic sake of it. One of the worst dishes on this trip in a place that seemed like it would be a slam dunk.

Oh and the pancakes were fine, but the maple butter was weird. A greasier, claggier version of syrup that had a slight burnt aftertaste. $13 is a bit punchy.

I don’t think we ordered right, but I just can’t suffer through another of their buttermilk biscuits, so won’t be back for another go.

Don’t believe the hype, and leave the queues for everyone else. Katz’s Deli is only round the block.

• Simon.

clintonstreetbaking.com